Experiencing the Spirit

I’ve always loved the Holy Spirit rather more than most, I think. For years, I told people he was my favorite person of the Trinity, if it’s not blasphemy to pick favorites among the coequal, coeternal persons in the triune Godhead. When your gifts are as churchy as mine, it’s easy to have powerful experiences of the Holy Spirit. And I certainly have, whether it’s through speaking or giving counsel or just following God’s prompting to visit a random town in Ohio or fly out of Norfolk for no good reason.

I describe him as a power running through my veins, like adrenaline or alcohol or caffeine. He heightens my experience of the world and makes me more alive.

2016-04-06 19.03.13But last week in a powerful homily Father asked us to imagine the Holy Spirit not just within but behind us, catching us up and pushing us along, and the Lord gave me the most beautiful image. I’m sure I can’t describe it adequately, but I think I have to try.

The Spirit is a wind that you can see and feel, a wind that has a personality you can understand, though he speaks only mutely. He communicates by the things he catches up and shows you, the places he draws you, and the way he moves you. When he first begins to blow around you he may be gentle and enticing, but at a certain point he sweeps you off your feet, spinning you around before gently setting you back down. When he takes control, you can choose how to respond. You can fight, clinging to lamp posts and trying to keep charge of your life. And more often than not, he’ll back off and let you continue trudging along through your dreary life, oblivious to the joy and wonder he’s trying to open to you.

But you’ll find that when you fight him you often end up hurting yourself. The less you trust, the more you clench your fists around your own plans and ideas, the more you find your shoulder wrenched, your nails broken, your neck aching from whiplash. When you give in, though, surrendering to the movement you don’t understand, there’s an unexpected comfort and even a whimsy. You might be spun into the air laughing for joy or gently cradled for a moment of rest. The wind is at times warm and comforting, at times a bracing chill to wake you. He’s got emotions, too, that you can sense from how he’s moving but that you also inhale, finding yourself filled with power or clarity or peace amid turmoil. It’s different depending on what he’s doing–he’s nothing if not unpredictable.

Watch this brilliant video for some sense of what I mean, only with more of a personality and taking you into the air as well as around on your feet:1

I’ve been sitting with this image of the Spirit all week, allowing myself to be caught up in his dance and filled with his power. Sometimes I see myself reaching out to grab something that isn’t for me and left tumbling, falling, falling before suddenly he catches me again and puts me back where I belong.

flameIt’s somehow both thrilling and peaceful, a gentle ride on Aslan’s breath or an hour in a tornado. It’s more a relationship with a person than just the motivation and inspiration I’ve felt before. I’m not sure if I’ve described it well enough, but maybe you can pray with this image during the octave of Pentecost, asking the Spirit to show you who he is and how he works. Find someplace still (before the Blessed Sacrament is always best) and picture yourself being caught up and carried about by the Holy Spirit. Maybe it’s terrifying or out of control or just as it should be. Maybe you’re fighting it and the Spirit won’t leave you behind or maybe he leaves you be to try again later. Maybe there’s something specific you grasp that causes you to be pulled out of God’s will. Maybe it’s all too speculative. But this is where my spirit’s been all week and it’s been absolutely lovely to be getting to know the Spirit as a real person, not just a force. Give it a shot and let us know what you think!

  1. There’s some other animated piece, I think, that accomplishes what I’m imagining, but I can’t quite think what. It’s a little bit Toothless the dragon and maybe something from Peter Pan? And a lot of the Genie from Aladdin. And other bits that make it much more personal than this, but this is a start. []

The Day After the Annunciation

Yesterday the world stopped spinning.
The whole earth trembled.
Heaven came down to earth
as the Word was made flesh
in my womb.
Mine.
Though I am no queen,
no prophetess,
no Judith or Esther or Deborah.
Here in this nowhere town
dwells the creator of all the world.

I cannot say if there were trumpets,
though I heard them,
nor if choirs of angels sang God’s glory.
I only know my heart thrilled,
my spirit soared,
my soul sang
as the angel of the Lord called me God’s own
and asked me to bear his Son.

But that was yesterday.

Today the angel is gone,
and so too the astonishing peace,
the silence in my heart so loud it fairly shook.
Today I am not wandering
like one in a dream,
a secret smile touching my lips
as my hand returns again and again to rest
over the spot where Life himself has chosen to live.

Joy still, yes, and wonder.
Who am I that my Lord should come to me?
Still my heart is full and still my head spins with the glory of it all.
But today I have to think:
what next?

St. Anne and the Young Mary, by Maria Pureza Escano.
St. Anne and the Young Mary, by Maria Pureza Escano.

Perhaps I imagined it,
fell asleep in the warm afternoon sun
and turned the words of the prophet
into my fate.
Perhaps it was a dream,
a temptation,
a trick of the light.
And yet there has never been anything so real
as that shocking moment of peace,
that clarity of confusion.
Nobody could hear what I heard
and see what I saw
and not believe.

But they did not see.
Nor did they hear.
And today I must wake from this dream I am living
and act.

What will he say, when I tell him this thing that has never been told before?
Will he rage against what cannot be believed,
call me out for a liar and call my neighbors out with stones?
He would have that right.
But no.
My Joseph so gentle could never.
He will not shout, will not condemn.
But still he may not believe.

And the sorrow in his eyes would break my heart
if it did not beat for another Heart than his.
He may turn from me,
divorce me,
and leave me alone with this Child who will save him, too.
I am not afraid,
exactly.
My life is not my own.
And He who has chosen me will take me where I need to be.
Though that may be death or disgrace,
though a sword may pierce my heart,
I know he will be with me.

But
but
but I cannot help but hope
that the love of this good man will be stronger than his doubt,
that my parents will believe,
that I and my son will be safe.
As I walk from the radiance of the angel’s presence
into the darkness of the unknown,
God-with-me guides my steps,
though we may walk through the valley of the shadow of death.
And while my flesh may fear
my heart will choose to trust.

Even when I cannot see him
I will be faithful:
the handmaid of the Lord.

After the Annunciation

A Year in the Word: Archives, Images, and MP3s

Throughout this year, I’m sharing reflections on powerful Scripture passages over at Aleteia. But I’m also hoping that you’ll be memorizing them along with me, and a few paragraphs on what they mean isn’t going to help with that. Cue multiple intelligences training! I don’t just read things and remember, I use songs and images to help. In fact, almost every passage of Scripture that I have memorized has a tune that I sing in my head while I recite it aloud. And derivative as they might be, they work! So I’m sharing those with you, images to set as your phone’s wallpaper and mp3s of verses that will get stuck in your head for days. Enjoy!

Intro Post

Week 1: God’s love

Zephaniah 3-171 Pt 5-6-7

Zephaniah 3:17 audio:

1 Peter 5:6-7 audio:

 

Week 2: Following God

Isaiah 6-81 John 3 16-18

Isaiah 6:8 audio:

1 John 3:16-18 audio:

 

Week 3: Don’t be a Pharisee

Joel 2 12-13Rev 2 3-4

Joel 2:12-13 audio:

Revelation 2:3-4 audio:

Week 4: Trusting the Father

Psalm 27 14Matthew 10 29-31

Psalm 27:14 audio:

Matthew 10:29-31 audio:

Week 5: You Are Not Your Sin

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Psalm 103:11-13 audio:

Ephesians 2:4-5 audio:

Week 6: When You Run, He Will Follow

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Week 7: Saved by the Blood of the Lamb

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Week 8: Giving Sainthood a Shot

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Week 9: God Is Not Nice

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More to come–stay tuned!

Favorite Verses from St Paul

In honor of St. Paul’s feast day, I thought I’d share some of my favorite Pauline verses. Paul’s one of my best friends–we basically have the same life, after all–so it only makes sense to give him a little feast day love.

He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.”  I would rather boast most gladly of my weaknesses in order that the power of Christ may dwell with me.  Therefore I am content with weaknesses, with insults, with hardships, persecutions, and constraints for the sake of Christ, for when I am weak then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)

More or less a list of the Scriptures I've got memorized, though I didn't list most of the apologetics type ones.
More or less a list of the Scriptures I’ve got memorized, though I didn’t list most of the apologetics type ones.

Rejoice in the Lord always. I shall say it again: rejoice! Your kindness should be known to all. The Lord is near. Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:4-7)

Who confers distinction on you?  What do you possess that you have not received?  And if you have received it, why are you boasting as if you did not receive it?  (1 Corinthians 4:7)

No trial has come to you but what is human.  God is faithful and will not let you be tried beyond your strength, but with the trial he will also provide a way out so that you may be able to bear it. (1 Corinthians 10:13)

I have great confidence in you.  I have great pride in you.  I am filled with encouragement.  I am overflowing with joy all the more because of our afflictions. (2 Corinthians 7:4)

I know what it is to be in need and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well-fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength. (Philippians 4:12-13)

I urge you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God, your spiritual worship.  Do not conform yourself to this age, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and pleasing and perfect. (Romans 12:1-2)

Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing with one another and forgiving one another, if one has a grievance against another; as the Lord has forgiven you, so must you also do. And over all these put on love, that is, the bond of perfection. And let the peace of Christ control your hearts, the peace into which you were also called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, as in all wisdom you teach and admonish one another, singing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or in deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. (Colossians 3:12-17)

We hold these treasures in earthen vessels that the surpassing power may be of God and not from us.  We are afflicted in every way but not constrained, perplexed but not driven to despair, persecuted but not abandoned, struck down but not destroyed, always carrying about int he body the dying of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our body.  For we who live are constantly being given up to death for the sake of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may be manifested in our mortal flesh. (2 Corinthians 4:7-11)

Therefore we are not discouraged, rather though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.  For this momentary light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to what is seen but to what is unseen, for what is seen is transitory, but what is unseen is eternal. (2 Corinthians 4:16-18)

Rejoice in hope, endure in affliction, persevere in prayer. (Romans 12:12)

We know that all things work for good for those who love God and are called according to his purpose.  For those he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his son, so that he might be the firstborn of many brothers.  and those he predestined, he also called, and those he called he also justified, and those he justified he also glorified.  What then shall we say to this?  If God is for us, who can be against us?  he who did not spare his own son, but handed him over for us all, how will he not also give us everything else along with him?  Who will bring a charge against God’s chosen ones?  It is God who acquits us–who will condemn?  It is Christ Jesus who died, also was raised who also sits at the right of the throne of God who indeed intercedes for us.  What will separate us and the love of Christ?  Will anguish, distress, persecution or famine, nakedness, peril, or the sword?  As it is written, for your sake, we are being slain all the day.  We are looked upon as seep to be slaughtered.  No, in all these things we conquer overwhelmingly through him who loved us.  For I am convinced that neither death nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor present things, nor future things, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature will be able to come between us and the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:28-39)

Conversion_on_the_Way_to_Damascus-Caravaggio_(c.1600-1)But whatever gains I had, these I have come to consider as a loss because of Christ.  More than this: I even consider everything as a loss because of the supreme good of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.  For his sake I have accepted the loss of all things, and I consider them so much rubbish that I may may gain Christ. (Philippians 3:7-8)

Jews demand signs and Greeks look for wisdom, but we proclaim Christ crucified, a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles.  But to those who are called, Jew and Greek alike, Christ, the power of God and the wisdom of God.  For the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength. (1 Corinthians 1:22-25)

If I preach the Gospel, this is no reason for me to boast, for an obligation has been imposed upon me, and woe to me if I do not preach it. (1 Corinthians 9:16)

Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you whom you have from God and that you are not your own?  For you were purchased at a price.  Therefore, glorify God in your body. (1 Corinthians 6:19-20)

But God showed us his love: that while we were still in sin, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8)

For this reason I kneel before the Father,15from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named,that he may grant you in accord with the riches of his glory to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in the inner self, and that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the holy ones what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, so that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. (Ephesians 3:14-19)

For to me, life is Christ and death is gain. (Philippians 1:21)

For to you has been granted for the sake of Christ not only to believe in him but also to suffer for him. (Philippians 1:29)

What about you? What are your favorites from Saint Paul?

A Year in the Word–Memorize Scripture with Me!

Every time I read the Bible, I see more and more passages I wish I had memorized. This year, I’m doing something about it, and I want you to join me. I was going to pick 50 (short) passages for the 50 weeks left this year…but then I counted up how many I had picked from the Old Testament alone and realized it was going to have to be 50 from each Testament. Then I thought I should invite y’all to join me, so I’d need pretty graphics for them. Then I figured I might was well tell you why I picked each pair.

And before you know it, I found myself writing a weekly column over at Aleteia like I was a real grown-up writer or something! Mostly I’m excited because their reach is far greater than mine and I really think that this year God’s asking me to help Catholics fall in love with his word. So many of y’all are doing it by reading the Bible daily with me–now we’re going to memorize it too! Are you in? Please say you’re in, I really want you to do this with me!

Sneak preview--subject to change.
Sneak preview–subject to change.

I’ve always been rather slow when it comes to New Year’s Resolutions. Ask me on January 1st about my “new year new you” plan and you’ll get a blank stare. But a few weeks later something may just have developed. This year, all I’m feeling is a need to have my heart filled with God’s word. I’ve been thrilled to see how many of you are getting on board with the One Year Bible plan, but it’s not enough for us to skim the surface, reading for consumption rather than letting ourselves be consumed. We need to commit Scripture to memory so it ends up running through our veins, coloring our perspective, correcting and forming us.

In a world where all information seems to be a few swipes away, the idea of learning anything by heart is rather foreign. Why bother memorizing Scripture when I can just Google it? For one thing, because Googling “Bible verses when you’re sad” might not help much. For another, because it might not occur to you that you need a Bible verse, but if they’re already swirling about in your subconscious, they might surface just when you need them.

Read more at Aleteia!

The Day You Were Adopted

This weekend, I stood beside a baptismal font and wept as my friends’ little boys were buried with Christ and raised to new life. Now, I’ve been to one or two (or twenty) baptisms. And I always get excited when I watch God’s beloved born again. But there was something different this time. Johnny and Lele are 5 years old but they’ve only been with their family for 6 months. So when we listened to the opening prayer for the feast of the Baptism of the Lord on the eve of their baptism, I don’t know that any 5-year-olds were ever more excited by a collect:

Almighty ever-living God, who, when Christ had been baptized in the River Jordan and as the Holy Spirit descended upon him, solemnly declared him your beloved Son, grant that your children by adoption, reborn of water and the Holy Spirit, may always be well pleasing to you.

Jesus was baptized, just like them! And God’s children are adopted, just like them!

Charlton baptismWhen the Gospel described the Father’s declaration, “This is my beloved son with whom I am well pleased,” Johnny’s face crinkled in joy as his mother whispered, “That’s you!” As dozens of friends and family members watched him in his pristine white suit, Lele leaned into his mom for security while Johnny bravely refused to hold his dad’s hand. And I stood there, having studied and taught and witnessed baptism time and time again, and understood better than I ever have.

Johnny and Lele adore their mommy and daddy. Nearly every night, Johnny wakes up and makes his way into their bed. He has no fear that they won’t want him, no insecurity. That’s his mom and dad—of course they want him. Lele snuggles into his dad when he’s taking a break from his wild game of marbles. Johnny calls for his mommy when he hurts himself. Dave and Janel aren’t their foster parents or second chance parents, they’re just their parents. It’s a complete and certain and unconditional relationship.

So when they heard that the Father was adopting them, they got it. God was going to be their daddy now. Not like their daddy. Their real, actual, no-holding-back, love-you-till-you-die (and then some) daddy. The Church isn’t like their family. It is their family. Jesus is their real big brother, their role model and best friend and family forever.

This is what happened to you on the day of your baptism. God the Father looked down from heaven, laughing for joy, and cried out, “That’s my boy!” or “That’s my girl!” And because he said it, it became true. You aren’t like his child, you are his child. He’s the one who cleans you up when you wet the bed, the one who holds you when you’re crying and you don’t know why, the one who yells too loud when you get fouled and even louder when you make the free throw. He’s not your stern father by some legal fiction, he’s your daddy who spent his life longing for you and came looking for you and did whatever it took to get you home with him.

This daddy of yours holds you close and whispers his love in your ear. He makes you mac and cheese and warns you sternly to eat it when you’re too distracted to take a bite. He loves you just like you’re really his child—because you are really his child.

Some of us take the love of our Father for granted. More of us don’t really believe it. We feel more like God’s our boss or our uncle or the owner of the factory that churned us out. But Johnny and Lele know different. They know that God picked them. He came looking for them. He made them his very own little boys and he loves them just like they were his from the womb. He’s their daddy forever, no matter what.

thats my babyNext time you bless yourself with holy water, remember that at your baptism, heaven was torn open. Your angel twinkled, your saint friends turned cartwheels, and your Daddy shouted, “That’s my baby! And I am so, so pleased.”

 

(Can I speak a moment to birth parents? You are a hero. You are the mother taking her baby to the font offering him the life he deserves, even if it means letting go of him as you hand him to the Father. You are a gift and a triumph of God’s mercy. Thank you for the sacrifice you made and continue to make every day. Thank you for teaching me what it means to love.)

Nothing to Offer

Once upon a time there was a village that was just like every other village, but not in every way. Like everywhere else, there were wonderful people and also people who weren’t always wonderful. Like everywhere else, there were hard-working people and not-so-hard-working people. Like everywhere else there were school days and holidays and everyone wished there were fewer of the one and more of the other.

But unlike everywhere else, this little village had a great big king, king over all the other villages and towns and even cities, who came and walked in its streets. He wasn’t a usual sort of king, fancy and important on his faraway throne. No, this king knew his people. He could tell when Agata had let her bread rise longer than usual and when Polly’s tooth was hurting. He brought Frankie scraps to feed to his dog and always seemed to have a new color of paint for Angelo to try. Hardly a day went by that he couldn’t be seen playing dice with Matt or reading with Catherine.

And of course, the villagers loved their king—when they weren’t too busy for him, that is. Because even a king can become commonplace if he’s always around. So while most of the children could be seen running to him every time he strolled down the lane, many of the adults kept about their business, glancing up when he greeted them and murmuring a few words in appreciation of the gifts he’d brought them and their children. Most of them, it seems, took their king for granted.

But not all the time. Every year, as the ground began to freeze and the skies seemed to be gray more often than they were blue, the villagers’ thoughts would turn to their king. His birthday fell in the deep of winter and it was the custom in that place for each of the villagers to take him a gift, given straight into his own hands at the feast that celebrated his birth. It was a very solemn occasion, a time for best clothes and best manners with best gifts on display.

And there amid all the good and better and best was Cora. Cora lived in a small house at the edge of town, one of those homes that never had quite enough wood for the fire or potatoes for the pot. There was more yelling than was quite pleasant and it wouldn’t be fair to blame it all on the adults who lived there. Certainly they would have done well to speak more sweetly, but little Cora did quite a lot of yelling herself. Often she could be seen with her face, smudged with day-old dirt, screwed up in a scowl, walking down the lane kicking at stones and small children. Cora had a temper, and even her gentle king had felt her wrath when he’d crossed her path at the wrong time.

But Cora wasn’t all bad. And as the air turned chill and the first flakes began to fall from the heavy sky, Cora’s mind turned to the king’s birthday just like everyone else’s. The trouble was, she had nothing to give.

“Why don’t you write him a song?” asked little David, trying out a few notes on the flute the king had given him that spring.

“I don’t know how,” muttered Cora, wishing she could sing like David.

“I’m making him a painting,” Angelo said. “Why don’t you do something with the colored pencils he gave you?”

“I broke them when I couldn’t get my pictures to look right.”

When Cora walked past the well, Teresa was practicing her pirouettes. “I do think the king is going to love my dance. Probably best of all his gifts. Are you going to dance for him?”

But Cora had worn her dancing shoes to jump in mud puddles and they were quite ruined.

John was going to juggle, but whenever Cora tried she ended up throwing his balls into a ditch in frustration. Tom was writing a list of his favorite things about the king but Cora was sure her writing was too ugly. Clara was hard at work embroidering for the king but Cora’s just turned into a knotted mess.

“Just tell him how much you love him,” Cora’s grandmother suggested.

“That won’t be enough! I have nothing I can give him. Nothing at all! And everyone else will do something lovely and I’ll just stand there looking stupid. I hate this.”

As the days got shorter, the villagers spent more and more time perfecting their gifts. Bread was baked, wood whittled, and heads held high as projects turned out just as planned, until finally the day arrived. Children’s faces were scrubbed to shining before they were marched in their Sunday best to the palace. And when everyone was gathered, the ceremony began. One by one, the villagers walked forward to present their gifts to the king. Seated on his throne with his mother beside him, the king smiled with real pleasure as he saw the handiwork of his friends.

The village children stood tall and proud as they waited their turn—all but Cora, who shrank down in the crowd, hoping to be passed over. Finally, the king’s steward called out, “Are there any more gifts to be offered?” Silence, as Cora crossed all of her fingers and stared at the ground. Then:

“Cora. Dear heart, I don’t think you’ve had a chance yet.” It was the king’s mother, looking down at her with gentle, hopeful eyes. Cora couldn’t hide any more, so she dragged herself up to the front and pulled out a worn cardboard box.

“Here,” she muttered, and put it in the king’s hands before turning to walk away as quickly as she could.

“Well, wait a moment!” he laughed. “I want to see what’s inside.”

A sick feeling crept into Cora’s stomach as she turned to wait for what would surely be the worst moment of her life. The queen mother’s sudden gasp was all Cora needed to start her tears rolling, and the murmurs and snickers of the crowd only made it worse.

“Muddy dancing slippers? Whyever would he want those?”

“What is that charred mess? Is it a half-burned book?”

“Oh, dear, the stupid thing has given him an old dead flower. What was she thinking?”

Cora stood there alone, feeling as ugly and foolish as ever a child has felt, until she heard her king silence his people.

“Hush,” he said, as soft as it was stern. “Cora, love, come here.”

Slowly, sullenly, Cora stepped from the disdainful crowd, ready to be ridiculed by the king, too.

“Look at me, dearest.” Pulling her eyes away from their safe spot on her feet, she looked at her king and saw no anger in his eyes, not even amusement. There were tears there, though Cora couldn’t think why. “What is all this?”

“It’s everything. It’s the pieces of the bowl I broke and the book I threw in the fire when I couldn’t read all the words. I knew you wanted me to learn to dance but I couldn’t dance for you because I ruined my shoes playing in the mud, so I put those in, too. I would have given you back the ring you gave me but I traded it to Colette so she’d do my chores for me for a week.”

“And the rose?”

“I stole it.” Cora’s voice was so soft only the king and his mother could hear. “I stole it from your garden and I wanted to give it back.”

“Oh, Cora. Cora, it’s beautiful.”

“What? The rose?” Cora felt sure she must have heard wrong.

“All of it. It’s the most beautiful gift of them all. You see, everyone else gave me something lovely, and I was very pleased by the cakes and books and poems and such. But you gave me your heart. You had nothing to give and so you gave me your nothingness. I love it.”

Cora’s heart thrilled to hear the king’s words, but she couldn’t understand them. How could he like her gift of ugly brokenness? No, he was just being kind. Cora managed half a smile before disappearing back into the crowd. She pushed past her curious neighbors, all asking what the king had said and why she hadn’t found something better, until she found a door that led her outside. Cora pulled her shawl tight around her shoulders, sat against the wall, and wondered. “You gave me your heart,” he had said. What did he mean?

She was still thinking some time later, her teeth chattering and her fingers blue with cold, when she heard a familiar voice call her name. Looking up, she saw the king and wondered how he’d managed to sneak away from the crowds.

“Cora, come with me. I have something to show you.” He took her hand and led her through a gate she hadn’t noticed, down passageway after passageway, until they found themselves in a long hall.

“Look,” the king said, and led her to the far wall.

2014-10-22 16.40.00There, Cora saw her village, not as it was but as it should be, without ruts in the lanes or broken fence posts. The flowers were in bloom, the creek glistening, and the faces radiant. As Cora approached, she saw that the image was made of a thousand little things—scraps of fabric, bits of paper, stones, even—

“My bowl!” Cora cried. “Those pieces in the creek—the shiny blue bits. Those are from my broken bowl!”

“They are,” the king agreed.

“And there, that book lying open on the bench. That has pages from my burnt book!”

“It does.”

“But…why?”

“I make ugly things new. I make broken things beautiful. Everything you offer me, even the ugly and broken—especially the ugly and broken—can become something beautiful.”

“But everyone laughed. They said it was stupid!”

“They don’t know, Cora. They don’t know that my power is made perfect in weakness. They don’t understand that the most beautiful thing they can offer me is their hearts, even when it seems there’s nothing there to give.”

“But you haven’t used it all, have you? Where’s my rose?”

“I haven’t used that yet. Maybe one day I’ll show you where I put it. But you don’t need to know how I use it, do you? Isn’t it enough to know that I will?”

“I guess so. And my muddy shoes?”

“Ah, those are in the palace treasury.”

Cora’s heart sank again. She knew not everything could be made right. “The palace trash heap? I guess that’s only fair.”

“No, dearest, not the trash heap. The treasury! Those I will not use. I want to keep them. They are very dear to me because I know how much it cost you to give them. You will have new dancing shoes again—some day—but those shoes will stay here. And every time I see them I will be grateful once again that you gave them to me.”

“Even though they’re dirty and ugly?”

Because they’re dirty and ugly. I am, you know, in the business of making things new.”

After that day, Cora’s life was different. Except when it wasn’t. Some years she had a lovely gift to offer the king. Other years she brought a box of brokenness. And either way, the king smiled. Because, as it turned out, he didn’t want Cora’s gift. He wanted her heart. And Cora was glad to give it to him.

Advent Stillness: 7 Ways to Slow Down During the Busiest Time of the Year

Ah, Advent. Candlelit evenings curled up with a good book. Long vigils in darkened chapels. Darkness and silence and sweet anticipation as you prepare for the Lord’s coming.

Right?

Not this century. Here it’s shopping and wrapping and baking and driving and endless Christmas programs and parties and no time for anticipation because there are too many Pinterest projects to perfect! These days we jump into Christmas before we’ve finished our Halloween candy and nobody’s got a second to prepare for anything but a frenzy of expensive presents we don’t need. And maybe you’re praying more this Advent or reading some great book, but do you feel like it’s Advent? Not without silence and stillness and really slowing down. And that doesn’t happen unless you fight for it.

Advent stillness

1. Delete (or hide) social media apps from your phone.

I’ve been doing this for 3 days and I’m loving it! All I did was remove the icons from my home screen and decide that I’m only going to open Facebook and the like when I’ve got 20 minutes to devote to it. This means that I don’t scroll through my news feed when waiting in line. Or while playing with kids. Or the second I get into my car. Or whatever. Yesterday was a fairly empty day and I went 12 hours without checking Facebook–which left me with a lot of time just to be. It’s amazing how different life is when you’re not using every spare second to distract yourself.

2. Don’t give Christmas presents.

Well, that’s not exactly what I mean. Obviously I’m in favor of Christmas presents. But what if you gave them for Epiphany instead? What if instead of spending Advent dashing desperately through the mall before settling on junk that nobody needs, you spent Advent preparing for Jesus and went shopping after Christmas, when you’ve got time off work and everything’s on sale?

3. Turn off the radio.

I’ve got nothing against Christmas music in Advent,1 but silence is a much better preparation for the coming of the King than Jingle Bell Rock. Turn off the radio this month–all the time or for some specified period daily–and just be.

4. Check out an audio book.

Instead of watching TV, try listening to a book when you’re sitting around in the evenings–or baking/crocheting/wrapping. It’s a slower pace and much less stimulating, so you’ll find yourself more relaxed. It’s also easier to step away from, which might increase the amount of sleep you get. Plus, you can try to find something worthwhile, which is hard to do on Netflix. Check out LibriVox for free books in the public domain. The Other Wise Man or The Gift of the Magi would be good seasonal selections from the classics, and they’ve also got collections of short Christmas-themed stories. Or swing by your library (physically or electronically) for a newer selection.

5. Start your day differently.

If you’re anything like me, your default is to grab your phone and check notifications just as soon as you’ve turned off the alarm. That way you hit the ground running–and with nary a moment to be recollected. Try starting instead with some focused prayer or reflection:

  • Pray morning prayer from the Liturgy of the Hours.
  • Pick one verse of Scripture to read first thing and come back to it throughout the day–at every meal, perhaps, or every time you get in the car. Then before bed, jot down what you learned from that Scripture.
  • Read the Gospel for the day.
  • Once December 17th hits, try reading my reflections on the O Antiphons from a few years ago.

2015-12-02 05.13.216. Pray the St. Andrew Novena.

This novena should have started on November 30th, but it’s also way longer than 9 days, so we’ll call it good if you want to start today. The idea is that you pray this prayer 15 times a day. It sounds like a lot, but it’s so short and I’ve found that if I space it out throughout the day, it makes a beautiful rhythm of sudden stillness throughout my day.

I’ve got this set as my only goal for my new app (Habit Bull) whose icon has replaced my Facebook icon on my phone’s home screen. Then when I have a second and automatically pull out my phone, I find myself once again at midnight, in Bethlehem, in piercing cold. And it’s my lock screen, just in case I was tempted to forget that it’s Advent. Save this image and do the same!

St Andrew Christmas Novena

7. Swing by the chapel.

Adding something else to your schedule won’t actually make you less busy, of course. But stopping by each day for ten minutes of silence (or once a week for an hour if it’s too far out of your way to pull off daily) will slow down your racing mind and focus your heart back on him. And that is the whole purpose of Advent.

  1. For you, that is. I won’t touch the stuff. []

Advent Boot Camp 2015

I put out an Advent Boot Camp two years ago and the response was great, so I thought I’d do it again. Just a little tweaking since Christmas isn’t always the same day of the week. Read the intro here or just dive right in and prepare for the Spirit to pump you up.1

This “Advent Boot Camp” is a guideline, not a foolproof plan. Feel free to substitute anything. What’s essential is that you’re spending time in silent prayer–not just prayer but silent prayer–and that you’re easing into it.

Each day’s prayer starts with a 5 minute warmup. It’s hard just to snap from all the noise of the world into prayer, so take some time to slow down, talk to the Lord about what’s weighing on you, and get quiet. Then see what God has to say to you through his Word, his Saints, and the prayers of his Church. Finally, spend some good time in silence, either processing what you’ve read, talking to God, or trying to be still in his presence. If your prayer life has consisted solely of grace before meals and Mass on Sunday, this might be tough. But it will get easier. And what better time to seek silence than in the mad bustle leading up to Christmas?

Advent boot campWeek 1: Begin each day with 5 minutes of prayer, make one chapel visit

  • Day 1: 5 minute warmup; Isaiah 40; 5 minutes silence
  • Day 2: 5 minute warmup; Isaiah 9:1-6; one decade of the rosary, 5 minutes silence
  • Day 3: 5 minute warmup;Luke 1:26-38; 10 minutes silence
  • Day 4: 5 minute warmup; Catechism 522-526; one decade of the rosary; 5 minutes silence
  • Day 5: 5 minute warmup; the Office of Readings ((Click the Office of Readings tab)); 5 minutes silence
  • Day 6: 5 minute warmup; Chaplet of Divine Mercy; 5 minutes silence
  • Day 7: 15 minutes of prayer: your choice

Week 2: Begin and end each day with 5 minutes of prayer, attend one extra Mass

Week 3: Begin and end each day with 5 minutes of prayer, attend two extra Masses

  • Day 15: 5 minute warmup; John 1:1-18; reading from St. Gregory Nazianzen; 10 minutes silence
  • Day 16: 25 minutes of prayer: your choice
  • Day 17: 5 minute warmup; “O Come, O Come Emmanuel”; 15 minutes silence
  • Day 18: 5 minute warmup; Isaiah 61-62; 15 minutes silence
  • Day 19: 5 minute warmup; full rosary (joyful mysteries); 5 minutes silence
  • Day 20: 5 minute warmup;the Office of Readings; 15 minutes silence
  • Day 21: 5 minute warmup; make a good examination of conscience, asking God to cast light into all the areas of sin in your life and to make you truly repentant and grateful for his love and mercy; go to confession; 15 minutes silence

Week 4: Begin and end each day with 5 minutes of prayer, make two chapel visits

  • Day 22: 5 minute warmup; memorize Isaiah 9:5 (“A child is born to us…”); 10 minutes silence
  • Day 23: 5 minute warmup; Jeremiah 31; 15 minutes silence
  • Day 24: 5 minute warmup; 15 minutes journaling on why you need the incarnation; 10 minutes silence
  • Day 25: 5 minute warmup; Isaiah 35; reading from St. Augustine; 20 minutes silence
  • Day 26: 5 minute warmup; Matthew 1:18-2:23; G.K.Chesterton “The House of Christmas”; 20 minutes silence
  • Day 27: Half an hour of prayer: your choice

I’ve compiled the non-Biblical readings here if you want to print them in advance: Advent Boot Camp readings

This is going to max you out at 30-35 minutes of prayer at one time. If you feel like you can do more than that, go for it. If you’re a beginner when it comes to non-liturgical prayer, though, this might be a good way to get started. Whether you’re interested in this approach or not, do spend some time praying about how you’re going to try to grow closer to the Lord this Advent. But don’t stress about it–it’s supposed to be a time of preparation and peace, not frantic anxiety, despite what the mall might do to you this time of year. You might consider starting to read the Bible through in a year using this schedule. Or read Caryll Houselander’s The Reed of God. Just be sure you do something more than bake and shop to prepare for Christmas this year. The Christ Child is coming, after all. Offer him your heart.

  1. Ten points if you read that in your Hans and Franz voice. []

It’s Okay to Be Miserable

I was chatting with some ladies recently about the suffering of Christ when one of them drew our attention to his Mother.

“Jesus knew his suffering would end,” she pointed out, “but Mary didn’t. She didn’t know he would rise from the dead. For her, this was the end.”

Our Lady of SorrowsNow I don’t know of any definitive statement on this matter, but I can’t help but disagree wholeheartedly. There may have been quite a lot that Mary didn’t know,1 but I don’t think the promised resurrection was one of those things. Jesus hadn’t exactly been secretive about it, after all. Again and again he tells his followers that he will die and rise on the third day.2 And while they somehow managed not to understand what seems so clear to our post-resurrection eyes, Mary wasn’t blind the way they were. She knew just who Jesus was. She knew he could do what he said. So I simply can’t believe that Mary stood beneath the foot of the Cross not knowing his death wasn’t final.

And yet she wept.

Mary knew what was coming. She knew he would rise. She knew death would be defeated and the gates of heaven thrown open. And still she wept.

We call her Our Lady of Sorrows, this woman who was profoundly aware of the coming victory. We paint her swooning in agony with tears running down her face and a heart pierced by seven swords, all the while knowing that her son would be back in her arms a scant 40 hours later.

Despite the promise of joy, Mary was miserable. She knew—better than any of us ever will—that God would work all things for good. And still she mourned, her heart shattered. Because hope doesn’t banish suffering. It just makes it bearable.

Joy is the duty of the Christian, we hear, most especially from dear St. Paul who commands it as though it were as simple as sharing or paying your taxes.3 So we grit our teeth and smile through our anguish, determined that we will be happy regardless of our pain. Then we’re shocked when it all just makes us bitter.

Joy, you see, is not the same as happiness. Joy is much more akin to hope than to happiness. Joy means trusting that God is for you, that he loves you, that he will—one day—come to your rescue. It doesn’t mean calling evil good. It doesn’t mean stuffing down your pain and covering it over with a veneer of pleasantries. Often it means swooning in agony with tears running down your face.

It’s okay to be miserable. It doesn’t mean you don’t trust God. It means that pain hurts and evil should be lamented. When your sweet baby dies or your wife leaves you or the bank forecloses or you get laid off or a thousand other things, it is right and just that you weep. You may well know that it will all come out right one fine morning. But still it hurts. And that’s okay.

It is not Christian to deny people the right to suffer. The model Christian, who knew with absolute certainty that all would be made new, was sore distressed to see her son so wounded. I can imagine Christians of a certain sort standing by her cheerfully: “Oh, don’t worry, Mary. Everything happens for a reason, you know. I guess God just needed another angel.”

It’s banal at best and heresy at worst. Because the joy of Easter Sunday doesn’t deny the pain of Good Friday, it just completes it. To say that those who hope in the Resurrection shouldn’t mourn is to say that evil isn’t to be lamented. It’s just not true.

Should we allow our pain to drown out our hope in God’s promises? Of course not. But that doesn’t mean denying our sorrow or stuffing our pain down, plastering a Pollyanna smile over our anguish. It means standing with Mary at the foot of the Cross weeping over Friday while trusting in Sunday. It means that in our pain we look on Christ crucified and remember the promise of the empty tomb. It means that we follow “My soul is troubled” with “Father, glorify your name.”4

If you are suffering now, be gentle to yourself. Allow yourself to suffer. Remember that this is not the end, that God will triumph, that the battle has already been won. Remember that in eternity all our suffering will clearly have been to good purpose. Remember that God is working for you even when you can’t see him. But remember also that Jesus wept and Mary wept and go ahead and cry—you’re in good company.

  1. For all “Mary, Did You Know?” gets flack in Catholic circles, I think there are quite a few of those things that pregnant Mary didn’t know. []
  2. Mt 16:21, 17:22-23, 20:17-19 and parallels []
  3. Phil 2:18, 3:1, 4:4; Rom 12:12; 2 Cor 13:11; 1 Thes 5:16; etc []
  4. Jn 12:27-28 []