The trouble with being a Catholic is that we don’t generally do extremes. We tend to try to walk right down the center, holding seeming opposites in tension in what’s called the “both-and” of Catholicism. This is particularly complicated in our polarized American culture and many of us have been struggling this week to figure out how to rejoice over some hope of pro-life legislation being passed while mourning the pain and fear of so many marginalized groups in this country.
I’ve made no secret of my deep concerns about the rhetoric and character of our president-elect; at the same time, being a believing Catholic means that many of the issues that matter most to me align with his current party. So this week has been a tough one, trying to challenge the victors and console their opponents while also reminding both sides not to vilify one another. I’ve already written to liberals encouraging them to consider that most who voted for Trump did so not because of the racist and misogynistic and otherwise hateful things he’s said but in spite of them.1
Now, my conservative friends, I need to talk to you. Or rather, to the handful of you who are complaining so loudly about “crybabies” throwing ”temper tantrums.” To those who are raging that people just need to accept the results of the election and “get over it.” To those who laugh at trigger warnings and safe spaces, and feel the need to ridicule people’s pain and fear.
This is not mercy.
This is not love.
This will not heal.
And those of you who are so loudly asserting your tolerance are refusing to hear the suffering of people of color, abuse victims, Muslims, the disabled, women, GLBTQ folks, and every other community denigrated in recent months by our president-elect and his supporters. But perhaps you will listen to me, a white, pro-life Christian who’s never voted for a Democratic presidential candidate.
Your brothers and sisters are terrified.
It doesn’t actually matter if you think their fears are legitimate. When a kind and merciful person encounters someone paralyzed by fear, the proper response is never to ridicule him for being illogical or reactionary.
If your sister came to your house hyperventilating because her ex was trying to kill her, you wouldn’t tell her to shut up and quit whining, even if her ex was an amazing man. You would hold her and love her and tell her you’d protect her and then try to figure out why she was so afraid. Only then would you talk her down and point out why her fears are—perhaps—unfounded.
Now let’s say your sister had a past history of abuse. You’d be even more empathetic, wouldn’t you? You’d listen and love and ask her how you could help her to feel safe.
And if she’d been abused and her abuser had just been acquitted and her restraining order canceled, you’d do something tangible to protect her.
At least I hope you would.
Because when people are afraid, good people don’t ridicule them.
This is where we are right now. Millions of people who have been abused and see the face of their abuser on the most powerful man in the world are begging desperately for help. Mockery is an inhuman response.
When people are afraid, it’s because there’s something wrong. Maybe there’s a real danger and maybe they’ve been told there’s one and maybe they’re having a mental breakdown. But none of those things is solved by telling them to suck it up.
You don’t have to believe that there is a real danger to your friends and neighbors and strangers in order to listen with compassion. You don’t have to accept the assertions that this presidency will pose a danger to their livelihoods and very lives. Even if you don’t believe them, you can still listen and love and ask how to help.
But it might be easier knowing that these people are not crybabies. Perhaps they will be fine, but they have legitimate reason to fear.
Hundreds of thousands of immigrants brought to this country as children and here legally now under DACA are afraid of being deported. You may disagree that they should be here. They are still afraid.
Seriously ill people who had been unable to obtain affordable health insurance because of pre-existing conditions are afraid that they won’t be able to pay for life-saving treatments. You may have had a negative experience with the Affordable Care Act. They are still afraid.
Gay and lesbian couples who are legally married and have children together are afraid that their families will be split up, that they will no longer be able to share legal guardianship of their children or receive their partner’s health benefits or appear in public together without risk of harassment or assault. You may not believe that their union is truly a marriage. They are still afraid.
Survivors of sexual assault are afraid that a country that elects as president man who brags about assaulting women will refuse to believe them when they share their stories of assault. You may believe that Mr. Trump was all talk on that tape. They are still afraid.
Muslims are afraid that they will be forced to register as Muslims and then will be systematically discriminated against as a result of this registry. You may not see the link between this and Nazi Germany. They are still afraid.
Transgender individuals who obtain hormones through insurance (hormones that keep them from committing suicide) are afraid that insurance will no longer cover these medications. You may disagree that they need them. They are still afraid.
Black Americans are afraid that in a country that elected a man endorsed by the Ku Klux Klan, they are not safe in their communities or even their homes. You may know a thousand people who voted for Trump and would never use the N-word. They are still afraid.
Marginalized people of all sorts have heard report after report of hate speech and hate crimes and are afraid that they will also be targeted. You may believe many of these events to be fabricated; you may have similar concerns over accounts of attacks on Trump supporters. They are still afraid.
People are protesting in the streets. I suppose some might just be pitching a fit because they don’t like losing. Others feel a deep fear for themselves or those they love. Many believe—and God help us, I pray that they’re wrong—that President Elect Trump is as dangerous a man as Adolf Hitler was. If you learned of Germans in 1933 who took to the streets to protest Hitler’s appointment as chancellor, you would applaud them. You don’t have to agree with the protestors to respect the fact that many of them believe they are acting to prevent grievous human rights abuses.2
You may argue that true mercy wouldn’t allow people to rest in an unfounded fear, and I agree. But consider this: the fact that you haven’t experienced violence and discrimination and other threats simply because of who you are might make you the wrong person to determine what fears are unfounded. And even if you are the right person, you must do it gently and compassionately. Listen. Empathize. Seriously consider the suffering of the other. Only then can you very gently begin to explain certain areas in which a person is safer than she may feel.
But please don’t sit behind your computer complaining about entitled millennials throwing tantrums. Other people’s pain and fear deserve your respect, even if you don’t understand them. And when you listen with respect, you may find that you come to understand.
Edit: This post is about people who are afraid, not people who are enraged or violent. That’s why I spoke only about fear and specifically expressed my rejection of violence.
We’ve been having some trouble in the comments section since I started talking about controversial topics. Maybe before you post something, take a look at this post on how to be kind online.
- Somehow, the only negative responses I got on that post were from those I was trying to defend. Can’t win for losing, I suppose. [↩]
- Should people be looting and getting violent and burning things? Obviously not. That doesn’t make everyone a violent entitled child. [↩]
Very insightful and charitable. Thank you, Meg.
Thank you. My wife grew up as a Christian Scientist. Behind the lectern at most every church is the simple statement from John I: “God is Love”. It’s the one thought that she she carries with her every day. I try my best as well.
This is so very good and an excellent reminder of what’s to be. If we are all kind and charitable, no matter what the leader does, it cannot break us. Charity is not only extended to those who agree with us – that’s easy. Thanks for reminding us of this especially now when it’s so hard!
Katie recently posted…Confirmation Preparation
Meg…While I understand your need to walk down the middle and to remain Catholic at the same time, you seem to have brought out quite a few issues about those of us who are relieved that Donald Trump was elected as our Next President.
I watched and listened and read about ALL THE NEGATIVE things that Trump has done in his private life while not employed by the people of the United States. Some substantiated, some not, some over blown, some not, some that he apologized for and some that he did not.
The BIGGER picture for me is that we avoided electing someone who has demonstrated a lack of interest in Christian values, Defense of our Nation and the ability to tell the truth. I’m not calling this “the lesser of two evils” because I believe that Donald Trump is the candidate that our country NEEDED at this time and at these crossroads.
While I am not comparing Donald Trump to one of Christ’s Disciples, I will remind you of the way that you have portrayed Jesus’ followers. You even called Peter a great big lovable dummy (I’m paraphrasing). Like Peter, Trump has shown his human side. He is a sinner and he has made mistakes. He has also helped thousands of people and has shown a side of philanthropy as well as a great love for our country.
Is he the BEST person for our country? I think so. I believe that God put Donald Trump in this position to allow greatness again from our people. We MUST pull together as a country and I am not too blind to see that the past decade has seen racial tensions grow.
Even if Roe v. Wade is not overturned, Donald Trump has stood up on the side of life. Even if he accomplishes nothing else, Trump will nominate Conservative Judges that will defend Life and our Constitution over the Progressive Judges that would surely have been nominated under a Clinton Administration.
This response makes me very sad for you. Please do not remain in ignorance of Trump’s character and continue to defend him. You can be happy that republicans won if you are republican. You can be happy that pro choice candidates lost if that’s your main concern. But a man who never demonstrates Christian principles won the White House. Maybe it will be wonderful for the prolife movement. That doesn’t make him less reprehensible as a person.
“But a man who never demonstrates Christian principles”? Aren’t you going a little too far? I would say it is you who wishes to remain in ignorance of Trump’s character simply because you do not like him.
Read Romans 13:1, God puts people in authority. That is the only explanation of why Trump won. We need to give him a chance. There were people afraid the last two elections when Obama was elected and their fears were just as real as those today. You did not see the protests and riots you are witnessing today. Trump is far f on perfect. The rioters in the streets of America are causing a lot of fear for people. That is not right. Many of the things going on in our streets are illegal.
Truly, I felt like crying and ranting “not my president” in 2008. But the worst thing I did was eat a whole box of Little Debbie cakes and I went to confession for my despair and gluttony. This whole country needs Jesus and to live as he has given us example. That means obedience. Most folks don’t have a clue. Especially the crybabies. Let us pray for them and me.
P.S. I understand you are speaking to people living in fear and it breaks my heart that that is happening and I hear Jesus saying “fear not…” We must remember that and pray again, that we live by the example our Lord gave us.
Meg,
I totally understand our requirement to love and show compassion. That is what we are commanded to do. I don’t have any issues with folks, family or friends who voted differently from me but I do take issue with the violence, looting and harm done by those folks who protest. We need to sit down and understand issues on all sides and work out compromise. I must admit that if you are terrorizing people and businesses in your own or another community and creating mayhem then I do not want to sit down with you. You are the ones reacting in ways that do not show any maturity. You are the ones stopping discussion.
https://ariseletusbegoing.com/2016/11/14/im-not-a-chicken-im-a-duck-riight-solving-the-astronomical-suicide-rate-among-the-lgbtq-hint-not-pandering/
Providence. Just got this. Speaks to one of these issues.
Thank you. I’ve had a hard time fully articulating all my feelings, including when people express confusion, shock, disgust, etc at people’s fear over the President-elect. You stated what I was feeling in a much more eloquent way.
Bless you for this. I’m a liberal atheist Jew and this is the first response from a Catholic I’ve read that hasn’t made me cringe. Your love for people shines through. Thank you.
Meg,
Once again, a list of name calling. How many of you know what the words you are constantly name calling Trump really mean? You keep trying to show your intense dislike (dare I use the word hate as those who are so anti-Trump constantly use?) for this man by sugar coating ad naseum with your “but we must be Christians”… etc. YOU ARE BEING A DIVIDER NOT A UNITER, BY FEEDING INTO THIS THOUGHT OF ANTI-TRUMP. At least give the man a chance, but stop whispering into people’s ears about how terrible he is and how scared the other side has a right to be. There is no excuse for this rioting and it’s not spontaneous- they are being bussed in! Just compare these people to those who went to war and stormed the beaches of Normandy. I would surely be afraid for freedom if it depends on them!
Meg,
While I enjoy your articles and have shared them with many friends, I was a little disappointed and surprised by your stance on the election. In this election of 2 flawed characters, we prolife catholics had to pull away from our feelings of disgust about lude behavior and look at their platforms. It was all about doing everything in our power to prevent the flat out attack on life and our church. Nothing else matters more. Did you not feel the same grave concerns?
First I want to say, “GOD BLESS YOU ALL”!!! I voted for Donald Trump and I would do it over and over again given the choices that I had. We couldn’t just all abstain from this vote and turn it over to Barrack Obama for a third term. We had to elect a President and I felt that the best chance for our Nation was Donald Trump. However, I looked at both candidates and had to choose the candidate that most represented my values. I had to vote for the candidate that I trusted the most. I had to vote for the candidate that I felt would finally stand up to the bullying being done by a hyphenated America.
Many people believe and take our media portrayal of Donald Trump as Political Gospel. Others were able to cut through the chaff and see through the grey area that surrounded our election. I believe that marriage is between a man and a woman…does that make me homophobic? I believe that people that willfully break our laws and enter our country ILLEGALLY and then demand the comforts of our Constitution to protect “Their Rights” is ludicrous. I think that many of the illegal aliens should be deported and that we should control our boarders. Does that make me racist? I believe that men and women should be paid equally for doing the same job but I also understand that there are GOD GIVEN differences between the sexes. Does that make me sexist?
I believe that I am flawed and let anger, frustration, social change, etc…get to me. I often react or vent before taking a breath. Does that make me a bad person? I have accepted my imperfections and know that it is a cures of all humanity to suffer that same affliction.
So many people have already condemned our President Elect before he has even placed his hand on our Holy Bible and taken his oath of office. SHAME ON ANYONE that has cowered in fear. “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10
@Liz – You can be sad for me if it brings you solace. I would like to know what outcome would have been acceptable to you? While I do not want to create or discuss the PRO/CON of each candidate. I will simply turn to my PRO LIFE feelings and believe that our new President will promote programs that will reduce the number of murders of innocent babies in our country. I can sleep well with that hope.
Some of the protesters were paid by Mr. Soros. And some didn’t vote. I dont think you have the right to complain about the election if you didn’t vote.
Meg,
I loved your blog. It was the first Catholic website that I would regularly go to. But your position on the election seems to be more in line with your already stated political party leanings than in faith. Most of anything else I have to say has already been said here in the comments. Please stop with politically inclined posts. I still enjoy your blog but I am not sure if I can keep coming to it if you turn it into what the last two posts have been.
-Kane
Sorry, I messed up at the end there. I didn’t mean “A God Who Works Miraculous Conversions.” I was talking about the “Never Trump–Because Apparently It Doesn’t Go without Saying,” “Moving Forward after This Election,” and this article. Oh, I love your new Saints for Kids podcasts. Yours are the only podcasts I ever listen to!
Meg, I’m afraid I have to disagree with most of your post here. In 1 Cor 6, St. Paul tells us, “Do not be deceived; neither fornicators nor idolaters nor adulterers nor boy prostitutes nor sodomites nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor robbers will inherit the kingdom of God.” He even tells us to flee from sexual sin. That’s pretty blunt, even extreme. Even though it’s been fed to us like warm marshmallows in hot chocolate, Christians don’t have a responsibility to acknowledge, respect, or accept other people’s opinions. And we don’t have a responsibility to stand by idly on the sidelines while cities are looted and vandalized and people are attacked in the streets. I wouldn’t want to be the one to call Paul an intolerant cry baby, and I wouldn’t want to be the one to tell God that abortion is not murder. I’m not saying that Mr. Trump is a saint. But in this country we only have two predominant political parties and, in my opinion, he was the better choice. Even if he turns out to be the worst president in U.S. history, God had a hand in the matter.