Apparently this weekend is college move-in weekend in Boston, which means parking is impossible and you can’t walk anywhere without dodging two guys in tank tops carrying a futon. Seeing all those wide-eyed freshmen and their anxious parents got me thinking: more than two thirds of Catholics who leave the Church do it before the age of 24. Which makes college crucial to forming a religious identity, particularly one that isn’t dependent on parents. So what can you do, as a Catholic college student, to strengthen your faith and stay Catholic in college? Look no further, friends! You have here a bona fide expert who actually went to college and stayed Catholic.1 And I’ve walked with dozens of students trying to do the same thing. Here’s what I’ve learned is key:
1. Go to Mass. Every Sunday and Holy Day.2 Without exception. I have a friend whose mother used to say, “If you would miss my funeral on the same day for the same reason, go ahead and skip Mass.” Would you skip your mother’s funeral because of a hangover? Hardly. Because your finance project is due the next day? I doubt it. Because there are free breadsticks in the lounge at the same time? I sure hope not.
The Mass is the most important thing you do as a Catholic. In many ways, it’s what makes you Catholic. Don’t skip it.
2. Get involved. First thing when you get to college, find the Catholic center.3 Introduce yourself to the campus minister and the priest. Find out when Masses and confessions are. Put a reminder into your phone. Sign up for something that keeps you coming back–a Bible study, the Knights of Columbus, a service project, whatever. Find out when they’re offering free food and show up. This is the community that you want to get plugged into. If you don’t do it early, you may find yourself halfway through the year with no Catholic friends, no Catholic community, and sporadic Mass attendance. Not a good start.4
3. Make Catholic friends. Oh, make friends of all kinds. Don’t just make Catholic friends. But it’s important to find friends who will encourage you in your attempts to be virtuous and call you out when you fall short. Different perspectives and experiences are great but nothing beats a group of friends who are running to heaven with you. Go to events at the Catholic center and look for friends. Pray for them, even. Then get off your knees and friend someone on Facebook. It’s not real friendship, but it’s a good (and not terribly awkward) first step.
4. Don’t be a drunk. Let’s get this straight: underage drinking is illegal. Catholics are obligated to follow just laws. So in the United States, it is morally wrong to drink at dorm parties when you’re 19, even if it is normal. Now, I know plenty of people who drank in college and are Catholic today. It’s still not okay.
But it’s really not okay to get drunk. And here’s what often results: you go out to get drunk (which is a sin even if nothing else happens). You hook up with some guy. You wake up the next morning and are terribly ashamed of yourself. So you don’t go to Mass because you feel too guilty. The next weekend you go out with the same friends (see #3) and do the same thing. Before long, you begin to think that your partying is fine, it’s just the judgmental Church making you feel guilty that’s messed up. See why this is a problem?
Having a few drinks (depending on how much of a lightweight you are) when you’re of age is fine. We’re Catholic, after all. But don’t tell me you can’t have a social life if you don’t drink underage. If you can’t have fun without drinking, you’re an alcoholic. If your friends make fun of you for not drinking, you need new friends. Might I recommend finding some at daily Mass? It’s worked out well for me.
5. Go to confession. The way out of that drunken hookup cycle–and any cycle of sin–is confession. Go any time you’re in mortal sin. Don’t wait till it’s convenient–track down a priest and go!
If you’re graced enough (and it is about grace, not about you) not to be committing mortal sins, set yourself a confession schedule and stick to it. Every month or twice a semester or Advent and Lent; as long as it’s at least once a year, you’re meeting the requirement. But do more than meet the requirement. Confession doesn’t just clean your soul, it strengthens the soul against future sin. And nothing beats faith faster than sin. If you’re serious about staying Catholic, get to confession. Often.
6. Keep your pants on. But more than that–don’t kiss anyone you’re not dating and don’t date anyone you couldn’t marry. It’s so easy to get caught up in the hookup culture and find yourself in that same cycle of shame that drives people out of the arms of the Church instead of to the foot of the Cross. Be intentional about chastity–emotional and physical, alone and with others–and find friends who will hold you accountable.
7. Get educated. College is not career prep. It’s about being educated, even in things you don’t think are interesting. Take classes that challenge you intellectually and form you as a person: philosophy and great books and history, but also logic and medical ethics and embryology. Forget for a minute about what’s lucrative and just learn. Take a ballroom dancing class or a seminar on current events in the Middle East, even if you are an engineer. Take an econ class so you can speak intelligently on those political issues you’ve been avoiding. Don’t just learn what you already know and like–learn what makes you uncomfortable or confuses you. Learn what you find boring and figure out why it’s not.
Rosie: “Awkward.”
Me: “Wait, I wasn’t just supposed to learn the stuff I already mostly knew?”
How will this keep you Catholic? Well, all truth leads to Rome and God wants you to be a well-informed person and to think critically and all that. And beauty will save the world and you won’t draw intellectuals to Christ if you’re a buffoon. But mostly it’s my biggest regret from college: I saw education as something to accomplish, so I only took what was required and got out as fast as I could. And now, despite a very impressive education, I’m pretty one-dimensional intellectually. With all the debt you’re going to have, you might as well come out educated.
8. Ask questions. For most people, college is the time that you find the big holes in Catholicism. I’ll let you in on a secret: there are no holes in Catholicism. But don’t take my word for it, ask! Ask your priest and your campus minister and your friend who’s a philosophy major. Read the Catechism, take theology classes, write to your bishop. Do what it takes to get to the bottom of things. So many people–maybe even most people–leave the Church because they don’t understand her teachings and it’s a damn shame. You have more resources available to you than any person ever in the history of the world. Take advantage of them and ask until you get a satisfactory answer. And if you can’t get a good enough answer, send me an email. I’ll come visit you and we’ll discuss everything that’s bugging you over a cup of coffee or four.5
Don’t let unanswered questions push you away. And don’t let half-baked answers convince you the Church is wrong. Find someone who knows what he’s talking about and listen. I think this 2,000-year-old faith deserves that much respect.
9. Find a mentor. Being young is tough, especially when you’re trying to navigate faith along with everything else. Find someone who’s been where you are and come out the other side and meet with her. An upperclassman in your major can give you tips on which professors are most violently anti-Catholic and which might allow you to voice your opinion. The lady whose kids you babysit can give you boy advice and tell you when your skirt is too short. Father’s available for spiritual direction and the Sisters who show up at Mass once a week would love to help you grow in your prayer life. That older gentleman who volunteers as sacristan probably has a lot to say about what it means to be a Christian man. Find someone who isn’t 18 and ask for help when you need it–and when you think you don’t.
10. Evangelize. You don’t know everything there is about being Catholic, but that doesn’t mean you don’t love the Church. So tell someone! Sharing your faith doesn’t make you a jerk and you’ll often find yourself better-informed and more committed when you’re trying to lead others to Christ. Set a goal for yourself: invite someone to Mass every week or ask one person a month what she thinks about God. You might change someone’s life. You’ll certainly change your own.
11. Pray. Every day. Going to Mass every Sunday is a great start, but Jesus didn’t live 33 years for you and die in excruciating agony so that you’d hang out with him an hour a week. Try stopping by the chapel just off campus for ten minutes every day. You won’t regret it.
Accountability will help with this. Grab some of those Catholic friends we’ve been talking about and plan on a Rosary walk on Sunday nights or a lunchtime chat about the next Sunday’s readings. Despite how crazy life seems, you’ve got a lot of free time at your disposal.6 If prayer isn’t a priority now, it probably won’t be when you’ve got a mortgage and diapers and a deadline looming. Form your addiction to prayer now and it’ll be harder to break when life starts getting in the way.
12. Don’t give up. You’re going to screw up. Don’t let that defeat you. Don’t quit the Church because you don’t think you’re good enough–we none of us are. And don’t run away because the answers don’t come easy. Repent and question and push and just keep going. And, most importantly, beg for the grace to persevere. God can do amazing things with a humble, broken heart. Let him work in you.
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What do y’all think? Any other tips from those who’ve made it? Questions from those who are still trying to persevere? Requests for more pictures from when I was in college? (Answer: that was before Facebook–yes, I am that old–so I really don’t have any. Well, two, but they weren’t as funny as these.)
- No Notre Dame jokes please and thank you. [↩]
- I’ve pointed it out before: this is .65% of your life. If God isn’t worth .65% of your life, I don’t know what is. [↩]
- If you’re a commuter, find a parish with an active young adult group–one that has some people your age, not the 50-something “young” adult crowd. [↩]
- If your Catholic center espouses heresy, as is sometimes the case, check out the parish in town. It’s okay to shop around a little bit as long as you always, always make it to Mass. [↩]
- I’m not kidding. I’ll come. [↩]
- Really–cut out all screen time and tell me you can’t manage half an hour a day for Jesus. [↩]